


we´re on the right side of rock bottom

by vicbartons



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Fluff, M/M, jumps a year into the future when the mess that is this current storyline is sorted out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-22
Updated: 2017-04-22
Packaged: 2018-10-22 16:08:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10700457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vicbartons/pseuds/vicbartons
Summary: 31 had started of bad, then gone from bad to worse then somehow gone to even worse before ending brilliantly. robert hopes that 32 will be less of a roller coaster, or at the very least a mostly happy one.





	we´re on the right side of rock bottom

**Author's Note:**

> i was planning on writing a fluffy mauritius fic for robert´s birthday, but rebecca kept creeping into it. so instead i jumped a year ahead to when robert and aaron will hopefully be in a much better place than they are now, so that robert can actually enjoy his birthday.
> 
> title from "rock bottom" by hailee steinfeld and dnce

Robert awoke with a low grunt, running his hand over his face before squinting open his still heavy eyelids. The bedroom was dark with the curtains closed shut, only illuminated by the red light of the electronic alarm clock sitting on his bedside table. 5:20 am. 

“Happy birthday to me”, Robert grumbled, rolling onto his side and curling in on himself. “Thirty-two...You´re getting old, Sugden.”

Aaron had his back turned to him, his frame disappearing almost completely under the duvet he had wrapped around himself, his face buried deep in the pillow. Robert reached for him practically out of reflex, slowly combing his hand through his husband´s dark brown curls. 

After the year they had been through, he still didn´t know how he had made it back here.  _How they had._

 

What he was fairly certain of was that he didn´t deserve it. Regardless of how many times Aaron tried to convince him of the opposite, whenever he saw the doubt and fear creeping up in his husband´s green eyes.

 

This time last year he had woken up in a king-sized bed with big white fluffy pillows to a breathtaking view of the Indian Ocean, about to receive the best birthday blowjob of his life from his husband. Everything should have been perfect.

Aaron had been so happy to have his mum and Liv back, and that  - combined with the peace and quiet of the island, as well as the notable distance they´d put between themselves and the cell in Hotten that Aaron had had to call home for six weeks time - had lifted his spirits immensely.

Aaron had seemed calmer, more carefree. Settled even. The nightmares still plaguing their nights in that big hotel bed, but their days so much better since they got to spend them together again. Both of them had been desperate to be close to the other, which had let to far more PDA than either of them were usually comfortable with. Even if that only meant that Aaron would let his fingers slip between Robert´s under the breakfast table or that Robert´s hand found its way to the small of his husband´s back whenever they were walking next to each other.

His husband hadn´t been the only one who the change of scenery had had a positive effect on. It had helped Robert as well. Every now and then he would even manage to genuinely enjoy their makeshift honeymoon, as just seeing a smile on Aaron´s face made his heart feel a little lighter.

At the end of the day, he hadn´t been able to push everything that was waiting for him back at home out of his mind though. The metaphorical baggage he had dragged 10.000 kilometres down south with him far too heavy to be ignored for more than a few hours at a time. 

He had felt like he was living on borrowed time and Aaron had grown more and more suspicious of his behaviour. The younger man´s ability to read Robert like a book slowly returning, once his mind had stopped being clouded by thoughts of the horrors of prison and worry for his little sister 24/7. 

Not only the sad look on Robert´s face every time he had caught the blond looking at him had given away that something wasn´t quite right between them, but also his husband´s nervous demeanour whenever he had found him lost in thought, blankly staring into space, which had happened far more often than Aaron was used to.

He just hadn´t been able to put his finger on what exactly it was that was keeping Robert awake most nights. 

He couldn´t have known that Robert´s mind had been running a hundred miles an hour thinking of him and Aaron. Of Emmerdale. Of all the mistakes he´d made. Of Ross. Of Rebecca. 

And of that baby.

 

_His baby._

  
  


**It hadn´t been his.**

There hadn´t even been one to begin with, but he hadn´t known that back then.

Neither had Aaron.

So Robert´s life had still come crashing down around him once they´d returned to the village and the look on  Aaron´s face, when Rebecca had smugly played the damn voicemail in the middle of the pub to an audience of villagers, would haunt Robert for the rest of his life.  

Finding out that Rebecca hadn´t actually been pregnant had helped, even though that revelation had come months and months too late to soften the blow. Robert was well aware though that even if it had come out earlier , it wouldn´t have fixed things.

 

**Wouldn´t have fixed them.**

 

Because the real damage had been done a long time before everything had blown up in their faces. Before the lies and the scheming of a certain blonde, dead set on tearing his life to shreds to fulfil her own sick revenge fantasies.

The real damage had been done months before that, in their bedroom in the Mill. Had been done earlier that same day within the four grey walls of a prison visiting room. The damage had been done when both men had given up on themselves and on the two of them as a couple - even if just for a few hours - and had turned to drugs, sex and alcohol instead of each other.

You´d think a few hours didn´t mean much in the grand scheme of things, not when you were planning on spending forever together, but they had found out the hard way that they did. 

 

_That they could mean everything, if you let them._

**They hadn´t let them.**

 

It had taken them a long time to rebuild; for Aaron to start trusting Robert again, for Robert to stop treating his husband like he was made out of glass and even longer for him to be able to look Aaron in the eye again without feeling nothing but shame and self-hatred.

But they had somehow made it to the other side of rock bottom. Had somehow climbed out of the hole that they had been digging themselves into since the day Aaron left for court together. There had been tears, and screaming and words both of them wished they could take back. They had had to fight tooth and claw for every inch. But they had made it out. Holding hands. Both of them too afraid and far too stubborn to face whatever they would find once they reached solid ground again on their own.

 

Aaron had continued to go to counselling.

Robert had started to go as well.

And it had helped.

**It was still helping.**

 

Looking back on it now, it had been a good year. Well, maybe good was too big a word, but it had definitely been an important one. It had chipped at them, at their relationship, at their family, at everything they held dear, but it hadn´t managed to break them.

And as cliché as that may sound: Robert knew that they were stronger for it now.

There was still a little voice in the back of Robert´s head telling him that he was going to mess this up, that nothing this good could ever last and at thirty-two now - with a few months of counselling under his belt - he knew himself well enough to understand that that voice would never go away. Had in fact become part of who he was.

It had been engrained in him since childhood. 

Since the day he watched the barn burn. Since he watched that farmhand leave at fifteen, not even having dared to say goodbye. Since he had played that fatal round of chicken on a country road just outside of the village with his brother. Since his father looked straight into his eyes, without a hint of guilt or sadness in his voice, and told him to leave his home and never come back.

That fearful voice wasn´t about to just go away. It would always be a part of him.

But whenever he looked at Aaron and Aaron stared back at him with those piercing blue eyes of his, the voice in his head got a little bit number. Became more of a humming, than the unbearable wall of noise he had become so used to over the years.

As the voice had grown quieter, Robert had become a little less fearful, more trusting in the relationships he had built and - most importantly - he had learned to be a little kinder to himself. 

And while he still wasn´t quite sure how the younger man managed to do that – to dim down his fears, to sometimes even shut them up completely, even if only for a little while – he loved him more than anything for it.

 

Aaron twitched then, letting out a small groan. “Morning”, he made it sound like a question as he leaned into his husband´s touch, shuffling backwards until his back was pressed against Robert´s chest.

Robert put his arms around him instantly, pulling him closer and burying his nose in his husband´s shoulder. Aaron´s hand found his and linked their fingers together before he even opened his eyes. “What time is it?” he whispered, his voice still groggy.

“Early. Far too earl for a Sunday for sure” Robert murmured, his breath soft against the younger man´s neck. “Didn´t mean to wake ya up.”

Aaron´s leg found his way between Robert´s, their feet touching, Aaron warming up his husband´s, which somehow managed to feel like icicles every morning, no matter how many blankets they covered him under.

“What are you doing awake then?” Aaron asked quietly, knowing well enough that the only two things that would ever have his husband wake up before 9am on a weekend were a desire for sex or him going into one of his tailspins, thinking too hard and too loudly for his own good.

The lack of innuendo in their conversation so far and Robert´s apologetic tone made Aaron certain that it was the latter.

“Just thinking, I guess.” he muttered, confirming the brunet´s suspicion.

“Mhm” Aaron hummed knowingly .“Come here.” He turned on his back, an arm wrapping around his husband´s shoulder, carefully pulling him closer until Robert´s head was lying on  his chest, his nose nuzzled into the crook of the younger man´s neck.

“I love you, you know that?” Robert murmured softly against Aaron´s skin, while running a hand over his chest, drawing small circles with his index finger.

Aaron´s nose was buried in an unruly mob of blond hair. “I love you, too, soft lad.” he whispered, pressing a kiss to the top of his husband´s head. He could feel Robert smile against his shoulder as he let his hand stroke up and down along his spine.

“Now go back to sleep so I can wake you up properly for your birthday in a few hours, Mr. Dingle.” Without having to look at him, Robert knew that he was smirking.

 

Back when Aaron had come out of prison, Robert had promised him that everything would be perfect soon. That they´d be. He couldn´t have been more wrong. 

They still weren´t perfect. They never would be. Life never would be. 

But lying in bed like this, listening to Aaron´s heartbeat, their legs tangled together, feeling the shallow breaths of his husband tickling in his hair, Robert knew that this was as close to perfect as he would ever need to get. 

**Author's Note:**

> find me on tumblr: [@vicbartons](http://www.vicbartons.tumblr.com)


End file.
